She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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