I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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