you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
