I love having hate sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
