If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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