well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
