Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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