i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
