i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
