just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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