he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
