it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
