My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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