Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i out mim tonsoeep
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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