hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
