We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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