Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
