my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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