i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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