so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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