i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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