the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
