Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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