dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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