Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
