So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
