how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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