was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
