Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
