HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She even gives head with a lisp.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize