P.S. I can't hear my feet
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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