okay pat passed out under dana's car
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
