I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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