the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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