I accidentally had phone sex last night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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