So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
