flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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