Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
