just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
