And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
