Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
