I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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