Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
