well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
