i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
