I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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