I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
