There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize