allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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