Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize