I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
