I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize