I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
