How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
