i need an iv and a liver transplant
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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