I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
