I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
