dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You took a bar mat shot.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
