put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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