remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
