508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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