Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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