I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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