; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
