I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
