i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
